Musings

Recently I had heard a comment made by my good friend that the elders above 70  years  should die soon. I was so flabbergasted on hearing this that for a second, my brain just stopped, my heart cried out, “How could he?”

I do know where my friend is coming from, his problems at home, what he is going through in his day to day life. But to make a statement like that made me realize that problems make us cynical, we forget how to deal with them, in fact we do not want to deal with them at all totally. Problems at home made my friend so hard hearted that he could say that and not regret.

Who are we to say that the older generation should be wiped out, I agree they require a lot more support than before, but didn’t we require that when we were born? In fact it is the older generation which helped us to become all that we are today. And what is really old? why do we classify them as old? Agreed, that in the medical world, people and their diseases are classified according to age but why does society, we who form this society do that in day to day life? Every decade of living on this earth has its own challenges, why can’t we take this as a challenge?

We, the people of today are so busy with our studies, our work and our social life, both in the real and on the net that we have  forgotten that our first social life has always started with our parents and grandparents and other elders. I neither consider myself as young nor old, I am just me with my own sense of right or wrong. And so are they whatever be their age.

I do understand that people of the generation gone past are a little judgemental. a little rigid. But who are we to say if they are right or wrong to be that way? We haven’t walked their life in their shoes. Understanding and patience works both ways, how many times we show that to our parents and elders. I, myself, am guilty of being impatient and abrupt with my parents and I do this in the excuse of work pressure. But haven’t our parents gone through the same pressure to bring us up whether they worked in office or at home. Yet our pressures become higher than theirs. I do know that my parents in fact any parent has walked through the coals of fire for their children. But we have to remember that they are humans too, they make mistakes too, sometimes costly ones.

When we make mistakes we expect our parents to forgive us, then why can’t we do the same for them? Why can’t we love them however they are and accept them fully with their problems and so called “wrong” views. We do that for our best friends , so why can’t our elders be our best friends?

Why can’t we drive our cars slow so that they can cross easily? Why don’t we help them, get them a cab or an auto when we see them in difficulty? Why can’t we help them cross the road? Why can’t we help them embrace the new technology, as and when it comes, at their own pace?

This post is so far away from my books but this one statement of my friend that people above 70 years should not live long, has squeezed my soul to the very core. I could not sleep the night. So many questions ran through my mind, have I also been guilty of showing that to my elders by my actions, by my impatience, and the answer was YES.

I got up with a determination in my heart to be a better human, to be a better soul. I want to be a better daughter to my elders and a better friend to everyone whatever be your age. In fact. I don’t want to know your age, I want to remove the barriers of age, I want to remove the judgements in my mind…

I want to be more humane than human. In one of the posts written by one of you was a post on success, I was wondering what is my idea of success. It is here that I realize that I want to be a success as a human being, a kinder human and a more patient human.

I want to be better than what I was yesterday and these are the stories that success should tell about me in the years to come…..

I want your views about yourself, search deep within you, there are no judgements here, no criticism about my friend’s views, just a deep realization of what we can do to better ourselves…. Your comments would help me to understand you and to improve me….

 

110 thoughts on “Musings

  1. This was one of the best posts I have come across on WordPress. Straight from the heart, it created waves in my heart and mind. I’m so happy to read this.
    “I want to be more humane than human” fantastic words!
    Yeah, I do understand that there is something which is troubling your friend, but I loved what you said, everybody deserves forgiveness.
    Thank you for sharing this Rockstar 🙂💙

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Orange, you are the only one who understood what I was trying to say in this post… So I thank you for having such an open mind and open heart to see beyond what is written. Good going, girl. The orange from the orange orchards are really blossoming

      Liked by 3 people

      1. I’m so happy to read this Rockstar.
        I completely agree with every word you said in your post. Nowadays people put a big show about open mindedness and not being ‘conservative’ but deep down, they have forgotten to be considerate. They have forgotten to respect the opinions of their elders.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Orange its not about them.. Its about you, orange.. What do u do, how do u plan to be a better human, how does your thinking process work.. Its never about an offhand remark as I said down these comments, my friend and I have looked after all our parents. He is there if my family needs help and I am there if his does. One offhand affected me to think… So how does my post affect u and make you look into ur heart?? How do u grow as a human being is all I asked and everyone is making it as a reasoning behind my friend’s remark.. I know the reasoning and I don’t want judgements for him. Because what he does for all his elders, not many can do.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. I can completely understand what you want to say. Based on one incident we can’t build up opinions. My remark was definitely not targetted at your friend.
        Speaking for myself here, I don’t believe in any formalities. I don’t give my parents presents on their birthdays or write poems and posts for them. But I make sure I give my mom a massage when she has knee pain or make my dad’s favourite ginger tea, every alternate days. I take my mom to nearby parks, and do a lot of things against my wish for them. So far, touch wood, I’ve obeyed everything they have said except my decision to study outside my hometown this time. And in a way, that will make them proud in the days to come, I’m sure. Yeah, I randomly give them gifts on random days.
        I’ve always respected and accepted all the rules that my grandmother has told me to. No, it’s not like I can’t disobey. My cousin’s do. But I really don’t feel the need to.
        I’ve differed in opinions, but I’ve never discarded their opinions. And I think, for my age, this is the least I can do.
        I surely didn’t mean to demean your friend. There is a lot beyond what I read.

        Liked by 2 people

      4. No honey, you didn’t demean anyone… I feel i am not doing enough for my family. I want to be more and less hot tempered and more considerate to my elders. I also take my own decisions but there is an open communication with my family. I listen to their opinions ultimately they trust me that I would do the right thing. I am glad you do so much for ur family. I am learning from you how small little things make mothers happy. I also will do it spend more time listening to mom and less time arguing… Thank you so much for giving me an insight to ur life… That helps me imbibe so much so that I can improve…
        My friend’s remark made me understand, maybe I don’t say the words but being impatient with my elders I probably say it with my actions.. I am getting to know me…
        Thank you for the beautiful examples.. I learnt so much from u

        Liked by 2 people

      5. Well, I really appreciate how sensitive you are and how beautifully you drew out lessons from what I said, life is too long and I have a long way to traverse. I hope I can continue to do as much as I can, learn and grow.
        By the way, I’m writing planning to write a post inspired by this. May I include a link to your post, with the credit to you, if I have your permission?

        Liked by 2 people

    1. I am sorry I still don’t get you, my question was not about changed lifestyle or add on things. My question how are you with ur elders.. Its a post of introspection not retrospection on the society and people at large… This post and my writing was not a question to the society it’s to individuals, you. Being kind and patient to another human being whatever be their age or relation should not be a challenge or lifestyle… It should be a way of life.. So that’s i wanted to know, how are you improving yourself or analysing yourself Gouri

      Liked by 1 person

      1. And what have you realised about yourself as an individual, reading the above lines.
        And let me assure my friends and me not only look after our parents, we look after each other’s parents too… We are also friends with each other’s parents.. It was just an off mark comment and how it affected me

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  2. As I said, I didn’t want reasoning for his statement.. Or changing society or absurd thinking.. It was just an off hand remark said in frustration. But how it affected me and what do you guys do is what I asked. As I said i dont want judgement about my friend’s remark.. But what do u do or plan to do or to be to ur family

    Liked by 1 person

  3. And gouri, since u wrote here about new generation then let me assure you that my friend and I are soon going to be 50 and we have looked after our parents and elders more years than you can think of. That’s why I don’t want reasoning behind the statement, I want to learn from all of you, as to what do you do to be a better human being

    Liked by 2 people

      1. It’s good that the confusion has been sidelined. Yes you have put forward a right question for me that what you do?
        mam I would say it is very hard to describe here that as individual what I do because there are so many things, but the most important thing is, it also depends upon an individual up bringing as well. For me not giving respect to my elders as in a case my parents, It would give me a sense of guilt.
        I love them and always involve them. Thats only I can say.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. since I was toddler I was raised by my grandparents, for better education and bright future as my parents used to lives in a remote place.
        Even though I finished my schooling I graduated and now I m doing job but unfortunately due to some unwanted circumstances never got a chance to live with them. So some how these broken threads of separation has grown our bonding very strong. I am happy that from next year they would be coming to live with me. My mom is 55 and dad is 62 so I m thinking of a new start of life where you would be living with your parents. Hope will get a chance to be kid again ,☺. I am still unmarried so don’t about my better half perception in this matter.
        But yes whatever are the distances we daily talk over phones sometimes in minutes and mostly in hours. ,☺

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      3. Superb gourav thank you for your candid answer… You have given me a lot to think about my life from your experiences.. Thank you for that.. I have realised that I have taken my family for granted and I won’t do that from today right now.. Whatever be your age, be a kid for ur parents, elders… And enjoy their love… I will also do the same.. Your writing here has helped me to grow and realise some things.. That’s all I ever wanted.
        For me, my family is everything, I talk to them about everything, my decisions are mine but with their advise and input… I do get a little impatient at time with people all around but I am working on it. I just want to be better than what I am today…

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      4. मेरा तो बस इतना सा मानना है कि हमेशा गलत इंसान नही होता है। कभी कभी सारा दोष परिस्थितियों का भी होता है। मुझे नहीं पता कि आपकी जिंदगी में क्या सब घटित हुआ है, परंतु अपने आप को हमेशा दोष देना भी उचित नहीं होता। शायद ही कुछ ऐसा कारण रहा होगा कि आप उनके सुझाव या मशविरे से असहज महसूस करने लगती होंगी, हाँ लेकिन जितना मुझे पता है कि लोग ऐसा कहते हैं कि इंसान की उम्र जब अवसान पे आ जाती है तो वो फिर से बच्चों की तरह व्यवहार करने लगता और इस उम्र में उनकी और भी देखभाल की जरूरत होती है। मुझे ये अच्छा लगा कि आप अपने परिवार के बारे में इतना सोचती हैं और पहले से भी बेहतर बन ने की कोशिश कर रहीँ है। आशा करता हूँ कि आपको इस शुभ कार्य मे सफलता हांसिल हो।
        And sorry as I used hindi instead of replying in English because somehow it was getting very difficult for me to express my self. Hope you would not mind it.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Oh Gaurav it took me so much time to read and I havent understood most of it.. But I got the gist of it.. I know what i am to my family. And they know me very well.. I just want to fly and learn and be the best I can be…

        Liked by 1 person

  4. You may or may not like my answer, but here goes.
    I can understand why someone would say something like that especially in the trying times we are living in right now. Especially if you’re a minority in America. They may feel this way because the rules of society are so ancient and older people are so rigid in their stances that it looks like there will never be any sort of change. That being said, hate only fuels hate so even though your friend feels that way inside, he needs to understand that the best way to achieve a different, better view on the world is to love those even if they think you’re the scum on the planet. It’s okay to have moments of anger as long as love prevails in the end.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand your point of view Nel.. In india most of us look after our elders very well.. And my friends looks after so many of his elders that he is stretched in all ways. And both of us look after each other’s elders when one is away… But it was just an off hand remark said in a moment of frustration but it caused me to think. Look deep within myself as to how I behave with other people and I find I have not been kind or patient with some in certain instances.. I just want to grow Nel as a human being to be nice to both extremes of age. My friend’s one remark caused a change in me.
      We love our parents and elders however they are.. And we have been doing it for past 20years..my friend is kindest most helpful person I know.. He allows me to bully him… But just how frustrations can change our outlook is all I wanted to show. Also I wanted to transform my outlook and this helped

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think you’re on the right track. 🙂 The fact that you recognized something like this in yourself, was willing to share your experience and encourage yourself and your readers to the same is very commendable 😀

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      2. Oh Nel u got it, this is all I was doing.. One utterly horrible statement can bring about a change if we look at it that way.. No judgment abt my friend, I understand what’s happening in his life. I am his best friend
        I think, without sounding very sexist, women understand things without a long explanation.. There were few who talked to me about society and youngsters and horrible thoughts and judgement but sometimes we have to look beyond. Today is somehow that kind of a day..
        Thank you so much Nel for your understanding

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I told you that you are a limited edition girl Shals. this is one of the best proof for that. I am very very happy to read this post. I wish and hope my Shals will think and do something different after prepare this post. I think this words not just type here in your blog wall it’s printed on your heart. Really proud of you my dearest friend. This is one of the eye opening post I ever read. 👌👍

    @ With love your friend Nik @

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  6. Your post takes me many years down memory lane when my mum used to annoy me with the lifestyle I lived. She was a great mum, but as I hit my latest yeas of teenager being and grabbing the adulthood, she just did not understand that I was facing a modern world that she as my mother never had in her days. It was a world difficult for me. My government was corrupt, they gave us a low level of education, I was thinking that one day soon I have to move out of my country and better myself. My dad had paid lots of his pennies to sit me for International exams so that one day I could go beyond the world and my school certificates would be accepted. Just my mother was not understanding of what I was going through. She tried to put a barrier in the lifestyle I wanted to live.
    I know what you friend is going through. it doesn’t mean he lost respect. Some children will take in everything from their ancestor, but some will just ignore because they feel what the modern world is all about. This new world is not an easy path for the youths of today. Our older generation can never make us live the life they did, in vain, they can try, youngsters of today don’t want family barriers, and they are right to fight against family barriers. These kind of family barriers do prevent them from seeing the world, for going beyond what is out there for us.
    most probably his 72 year old family should take an armchair, sit down in it and make themselves retired, and let him do what he wants to do, just watch him unfold the modern world and find his way into what he wants to do. They should leave him alone, that’s what they should do.

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    1. I think you don’t have most of the facts… In india we don’t let go if our elders and my friend and me have been looking after our family for more 2 decades… Let me tell u our background, our parents gave us the best of education they could, they never stopped us from anything. The new world is as easy as u can make for them if you find the new world difficult then imagine how much more difficult it will be for the elders. We have no right to tell the elders to sit in the chair and make themselves retired.. Here in india we don’t do that to our elders.. They are precious to us. What my friend said was an offhand remark but I felt after that is what that matters.. How I grew as a human being is more important…
      I don’t know how it is in ur area of living but in our area if our parents stop us from something it’s coming from an area of caring and fear for our security.. Not because they want us to stop living our life… This post is about growing as a human..
      Telling our elders that sit back and get retired is an insult to them and an insult to the pain our elders have taken in bringing us up. My friend and I are going to be 50 soon and we will never ever treat any of the elders in the manner you have suggested..
      I want kindness and patience for the older generation. They have more right on this earth than we do.. Most kids in india will agree to that whatever be our age.. We do have our problems with some parents… But most of us will do anything for our elders

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree with every word that Shalini has said. We have absolutely no right to suggest someone to make themselves retired. Honesty, I find it very insensitive to even have such thoughts for any human being, not just our parents.
        Just give it a thought, your parents nurture you since you were merely a bunch of blood vessels and the day you venture into teenage, you accuse them of snatching your freedom, your rights, as barriers in your lifestyle changes.
        Will you be able to forgive yourself when you’ll realise that all the restrictions that your mom imposed was for your own good?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. My post is not about what people do it’s about inner growth so kindly stop generalising everything…
        If you cannot contribute on how to be a kinder human being, pls don’t comment on how Indians are and what they do… I can only tell you what I do so did orange… But no more..

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      3. U have taken the entire post in the wrong way. This post is about growing as a human being being kind and considerate to everyone what ever be their age it’s not about changing country, it’s about growing up as a human being.. What the youths say in blog is their right… Ask them what they feel for their elders..

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      4. I agree with every word that Shalini has to say. I am a youngster from India and I personally consider it very derogatory when someone says things like “take an arm chair and sit down”. Firstly, humanity is the most important religion here in India and we give it prime importance. So we really don’t have any rights to ask our parents to relax and not take toll on youth. Usually in teenage, people tend to feel they know it all and are mislead. This is not true. Our experiences are limited and so is our knowledge. So, we always need guidance and we’ll wishers around, and our parents are our first friends and we’ll wishers. We really need to look up to them.
        Moving further, tell me isn’t it insensitive to leave your parents, and ask them to sit back, when they attain an old age, become weak and fragile, mentally and physically? They didn’t throw us in an orphanage when we were puking in their arms as little kids, did they?
        And social reforms, democracy, corruption all these are no where related to this. There are evils in the society and almost every country has it. Educated people work towards eradication of these evils everywhere. Doesn’t mean they are sick of their culture.
        Most of us in India do still believe that we owe all that we achieve to our parents and we are right. It is a matter of pride that our ancestors were wise to love our parents and feel for our elders and I as an Indian aspire to carry this legacy further. God bless!

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Agreed there are lot of Indians who are abroad but there are people like us who are still there for our elders so kindly do not generalise…. My post is not to talk about what Indians do or not it’s about how to grow as a human

        Like

      6. Many of the people who went abroad have taken their parents with them
        Almost everyone I know has. Yes, I won’t deny they took time to settle down there and during that span, the parents were here.
        One of my cousin did not take his parents along, but they have a video chat every day. He makes it a point to ‘meet’ his parents every single day, ofcourse virtually. This clearly shows that he is bound by work and financial constraints, yet, as they say, where there is a will, there is a way. He found a way to support them, atleast through words.
        My best friend’s grand parents live with her mom. They could have accompanied their son or daughter who live abroad, but they love the atmosphere here a lot. Also, they are strict vegetarians and so they prefer to remain here, in India, they are comfortable here.
        So dear, based on our limited experiences and knowledge, we assume a lot of things. That should be avoided.
        I won’t deny that many people don’t follow all these. Many do. That’s why we are meeting here on WordPress and discussing what we do. We are learning from others. We are rectifying our mistakes.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Really? Like now I should be told what my cousin’s parents are doing? I know them much better than Shalini or you. She is not asking us not to put forth our views. She is infact encouraging us, making us ponder over it. She has written an eye opening post, how we have become so selfish.
        Now, let me tell you, you are just choosing to look from the stands. You don’t know about the player in the field.

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      8. There is no insults on any of my comment, your are only being too full of yourself for a reader have read your post and realising that something have surely happened between a youth and an old person, and she penned her response as a point of views, like you say, you are in the medical profession, I think you should educated enough to know and accept points of views. If you work with human beings as a doctor or whatever you do, and you take in points of views, you have a problem yourself. Next time do not write what you know about your friends, keep it to yourself and don’t share it on a public platforms. It is people whom you followed and followed you will surely respond to what you write, This is what blogging is all about. And Orange should be ashamed of herself trying to be UNDEMOCRATIC because someone else has penned what she knows about cultures in India. Of course the whole world knows about it.

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      9. As I said i asked, how have you grown as a human being?? Telling an indian that she does not know about her culture, how is it democratic madam… U don’t like Indians, that’s fine don’t comment on our posts or follow us

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      10. you are misunderstanding. There is nothing about not liking Indians, you are creating another way of thinking. We all grow as humans, no one has ever grown as animals they are humans. Animals grows up as animals. Human grows up as Humans. It is not educated to as someone how have they grown as human. Well my answer is “WHEN I WAS BORN, I BECAME OR ARRIVED AS A HUMAN IN THE DELIVERY ROOM WHERE MY MOTHER GAVE BIRTH TO ME AND THE DOCTOR DECLARED ME A “FEMALE” WHICH MEANS I WAS HUMAN. I am still HUMAN Shalini! Thank you.

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  7. And this post is not about the reasons why my friend said what he said.. There should be no discussion about it. It’s about what I realised. It’s about my growth as a human. It’s about being considerate and kind to all people and help everyone.. Elders have had a tough telling them to take it easy is breaking their confidence. As a doctor, I don’t want any of the elders to feel unwanted as that leads to a lot of medical problems.
    This post is all about to be humane to all humans.. My friends comment and reasons behind it should not be discussed as I have said clearly in the post… How we can help each other to be a good human and a kind human is all I want to know

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Well. You are getting it wrong. We are answering you together as we both have a common opinion.
    And about discussions on what Shalini’s friend said, what’s wrong if she doesn’t want us to talk about it because we don’t know that guy, we don’t know how he is, what are his problems, his thoughts? Why is it necessary for us to make assumptions and put forth our views in the name of FREEDOM OF SPEECH

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    1. To mycountryepoque, kindly tell us how you have grown as a good human being and how helping others transformed you not about youth freedom democracy… Those are to be discussed in some other blogs elsewhere not on mine… My post is about growing as a kind human to be HUMANE… THAT’S IT

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    2. Because she wanted to share her viewpoint. We can’t judge a guy by two lines that we read and pass our verdict whether he is right or wrong.
      I’m not saying he is wrong. But you are saying he is right.

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  9. Have you seen Piku…if yes then there was a scene where Irfan Khan says after a time we keep alive our parents…I feel your disturbance because once I had face this also…not now but one day I will talk on it…

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  10. (Orange
    June 23, 2017 at 11:42 pm
    Ab toh sacchi neend udd gayi hai) 👍
    THIS IS UNHUMAN, UNDEMOCRATIC, to change the language on a topic to prevent others to know what she is saying. I am BRITISH, I am not venting any anger Shalini. You are CORRUPT. you should have allowed others to see what have been debated here.. Orange is an uneducated and INHUMAN. You and your Orange was talking abouth Human, now Orange has given you the opportunity to know what is HUMAN not HUMAN. such ashame.

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    1. You could have asked for translation. I just said that I’m unable to sleep ask anyone who knows Hindi. See, I told you, you are making assumptions dear. Thank you again, for assuming I am inhuman and uneducated

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      1. I think you are INHUMAN. ENGLISH is the first language. everyone on Shalini’s platform have responded in English, I think it INHUMAN of you to suddenly change your language but still you are still fighting that you are BETTER than someone elses. Like you say you your INDIAN FAMILY has brought you up better than other cultures. Did they ever tell you that “WHEN YOU ARE IN THE COMPANY OF DIFFERENT NATIONALITIES, YOU HAVE TO USE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE?” Like Shalini ask me, now respond to me “How Human did I grow up?” You people should be ashamed of yourself.

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  11. I am sorry you are mistaken… On my posts people can write in the language we understand… If you took it wrongly.. We cannot help that and she responded to another reader not to you.. So kindly cool down and not calls us names or comment… Pls it’s a request… There is too much negativity all around… This is not what I wanted from my post

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  12. Woahh man!! Brilliant peace of writing. This blog is 💯💯💯❤.please visit my too it will be my pleasure that gr8 bloggers you visiting. But still dude you rock. 🙇🙇🙇🔥

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am a dudette not dude hehehe .. Yes I did see your blog… U don’t have to say it in comment section.. When you comment, then all of us do check it out…
      On a serious note, thank you for reading understanding and commenting here, much appreciated

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      1. I think you should read my post again carefully… So if you are going to mention age and not deal with a human, then don’t comment here… I have an identity that has nothing to do with age but with a name given by my parents… So use it… Its shalini not additives to it

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  13. I appreciate the hurt that comes with seeing people you love get older, but to be clear, my small children are quite trying on the heart as well. To me, someone’s vulnerability and inability to move through life with the greatest of ease does not invalidate their worth. Not that I have any personal idea as to what moving through life with grace might look like. I understand when people feel relieved when a loved one who has been suffering is no longer fighting a physical battle, but a generalized wish for a mass geriatric exit seems more than a little harsh. It’s so callous and shocking that I really believe that it was spoken in frustration or despair even if it was delivered in a contradictory tone. Maybe I am wrong, but I would bet that something else he didn’t talk about or maybe even something he didn’t even recognize was upsetting him spurred that comment. Again I could be wrong. I just have a hard time imagining your surrounding yourself with people who are cold and uncaring. It isn’t your vibe. Take heart sweet friend.

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    1. Oh jo, I do know what problems he is going through so he spoke in frustration but hearing that made me take stock of my life.. So there is positive in that. He is my best friend and he has allowed his problems to get the best of him… Jo he looks after 8 families with elders. Does everything for them.. So I understand but it just shows in this fast life, we have allowed problems to get the better of us.. Kindness and patience is important even when dealing with any human.. That’s all I learnt from his one statement. It’s a start of me being a better person

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  14. You have such an amazing heart. I can’t imagine he carries the emotion that goes with all that, but I’m thankful that he has a tremendous friend like you by his side. Your words are so right.

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    1. He will be ok in a few days, I will see to that.. Jo we look after each other’s parents when one is away. So its just momentary when things get too much.. But I just wanted to reflect on my inner self and see me. Am I making sense??

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      1. Absolutely. It was a beautiful post. Very raw and hurt and honest. You have such a light in you. I think your words remind us all to maintain our kindness even when we are feeling great despair or hopelessness. You words were very powerful. It’s your natural way. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  15. I am sorry you have taken the post wrongly. This post is about being a good human being, how to better ourselves not what my friend said.. Its not about euthanasia. It’s about how our problems have beaten us and how we can better ourselves. Pls read the post totally not just the first few lines. My friend and I look after our parents and all elders at home very well. We come from that background… But sometimes one remark said in a moment of frustration is not about beliefs, it’s about how problems can make us lose our balance in life… What my friend does not many can do.. He looks after 5 families that includes all elders and youngsters. This post was not at all about what you have said but how we can learn from off hand remark.. My friend is one gem of a person but even good people can become tired of facing problems day in and day out

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  16. Wow. The older I get, the more I appreciate the older folk, the elderly. There’s so much wisdom and often times Grace that they embody. Thank you for your sincere post and/or reminder!!!!

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    1. Oh thank you so much for understanding this post… You have understood the true meaning of my post.. Everyone criticised my friend when it was just a offhand remark coming from frustration.. Whereas you understood the heart of this post – kindness and patience for everyone. That’s what I learnt
      Thank you so much, my heartfelt gratitude for reading this with your heart not just with your mind.. U are a great human being

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  17. I think it’s very easy to just sit back and theorise like that, but a completely different thing when you have to confront that sort of reality by stepping into those shoes. Perhaps some of these people should consider why no one abandoned them when they were young and needed feeding, or guidance on how to walk, or talk, or someone to look after them when they were sick. I wonder if they’d keep the same opinion once they came full circle and arrived back at that stage when they needed that same help they’d gotten when they were born.

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    1. As I said before, do not theorise on what my friend said, my entire post was on how we can grow as better human beings. Not why my friend made an offhand remark. Every one seems to be judging him instead of looking into their own hearts

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      1. I apologize if I came across as judgemental in any way. That wasn’t my intention. I was coming at more from an angle of curiosity, which, in turn, leads into understanding from both sides.

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      2. Ah ez, my friend looks after his family elders, and elders in his extended family so 16 old people approximately or more. So there are going to be times where he is going to be frustrated so he made an offhand remark.
        I got affected by it and I looked into myself and realized my shortcomings, my impatience when I deal with my family. So I learnt to be more than I am today, a better version of my yesterday. More kind, more gentle, and enjoy my time with my elders. These are all the changes I have been seeing in myself since I wrote the post.
        Believe me, we are a group of 3 friends, we look after each other’s parents too when one is out of town.

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    1. No, it is not lazy, he looks after 8 family that is 16 elderly people and each one has started taking him for granted. I am seeing him reach a breakdown point. Every day I talk to him so that I don’t lose him. His words were said in a moment of despair of darkness. I have cried many times, when I hear what his relatives have done to him. So its just an off hand remark, but that remark helped me to be a better daughter, better sister, better doctor and a better human being.
      So this post was about self realization and how I want to be better than I was yesterday. Believe me, every day I work hard, I make mistakes and then work harder to be better. Some days I succeed, some days I fail. But I get up again wanting to do good.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I see… like always, everything needs to stay right in its context – anything out of it exposes us to hasty and unfair judgments. I also understand that in eastern societies the old culture of respect (or care) for the elders is still alive, while, sadly, it is not anymore the case for the western one – of course, I am generalizing.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I feel now it should be an individual choice. I stay with my parents as per my culture but I choose to spend time with them as compared to other people or friends. Because to me, they are my best friends.
        I suppose every one should make that choice not to let go of our elders, they didn’t let go of us, however we were when we were kids. But this is my personal opinion. To each his/her own

        Liked by 1 person

  18. Great post ! I totally agree with you, we have come across so many parents with differently abled children and they make lot of sacrifices for the sake of their children, then why cant we do the same when our parents need us.

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