An Ode to Pain

I look at the people passing by

My eyes tired and ancient

I have lived a lot of births in this birth

I have heard so much from everyone

I have the pain inside of me

I die a thousand deaths when I am judged

I try to hold on even when nothing feels worth it

I smile even at the smallest things

I like when my eyes sparkle

I look in the mirror and see them dead

I check my heart to hear it beat

I know it then, I am still alive

I lost my smile somewhere on the way

It took a second to lose it when ages to gain

I look at the world

I see the people passing by

I wonder why I asked someone to stop by

When in reality I have nothing to give

Wanting without giving is pure selfish

Why didn’t I let go when it got there

I wanted something more than I deserve

I thought I deserved more than I want

Why do words hurt even when they mean nothing

Why do I die so much within

I don’t like sharing my thoughts

But sometimes the words come without

I know not how to break the ice

I feel cold and numb within

I long to feel the warmth of life

I feel I am dead even when alive…. 

57 thoughts on “An Ode to Pain

  1. Beautiful write-up Shalini, having said that, life need not be that way. There is a solution for everything. But most often we look for a solution without altering other “underlying parameters.” This is why whatever we try ‘fails’ repeatedly. When things fail, again and again, we must look into these parameters of the problem. We MUST try to change them and try again, it’s gonna be ok. Stay strong and it’s your life, you need to find a way whatever ‘parameter’ affecting it. Believe me, life is beautiful out there.. Do that change, you will find the happiness..
    BTW “I have lived a lot of births in this birth” — Beautiful line!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Pain will always be there….it is what reminds us that we are human…but along with it comes the natural instinct to bear it, fight it and overcome it….you came a long way from that pain…now there are only shadows from the pain…they will go too.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you…. As I said, I don’t know what I wrote at that time. I generally don’t publish I keep it in draft and delete later. But this I forgot to put the setting. It got published

        Like

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